I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize