Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize