why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
