i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
