maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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