Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
