Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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