You really coming over, don't trick.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
