apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
