my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize