So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
