im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
