Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
