I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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