i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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