those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
