my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
