I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
