I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
