dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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