DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
