I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So much Jack, so little girl.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
