12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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