What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
