God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
