I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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