It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
