I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
