today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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