Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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