My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
