Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
