Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize