just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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