when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
