wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
