Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
