Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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