I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
