call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
