she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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