yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize