No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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