and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
