tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
