does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize