Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
