You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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