I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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