Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
