I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
