she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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