You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well you can't waste a boner
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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