How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
