how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So much rum. So many feels.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
