I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
