they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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