I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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