thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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