Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
