are you so shy because you have an std?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
