I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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