Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
