My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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