Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
