What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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