now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize