After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
bring money and cleavage
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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