I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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