I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize