Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
