Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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