she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
