Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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