explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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