I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
