I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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