so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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