I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
