I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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