god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
