Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
