Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
two words...techno handjob
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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