i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
