Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
