if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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