your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
