Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
