this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
