i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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