I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i drank out of a bidet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize