You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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