its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
