i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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