Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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