It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just googled if crying burns calories
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
