pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
