im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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