he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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