I will die if light touches me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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