How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
