You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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