and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just pee around me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
