Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
