his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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