Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
