I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
