you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
