My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
