He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
