her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
