I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Couch. On fire.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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